Cave Canem

Cave Canem



Back on the east coast and back to reality.

Reality is a dog one needs to beware of. At least I have a sweetie and two great pups to soften the blow.

I am still looking for something to bring in some money once we move to New York. Moreover, I returned to find out that one of the summer courses I was supposed to teach has been cancelled because of low enrollment. The other course is still on track as far as I know. The problem is that it is the last week in June and the first two in July, which makes trying to make alternate plans more difficult. The silver lining is that the one I still have is the one that pays more.

It is discouraging, though. I have spent the past seven months or so waiting for some good news. I had one brief moment of hope - one interview. The hope was short-lived, though. And the waiting continues. The meter on the left continues to go up and up with no more good news. Soon it will reach its max. As will the disappointment. It is hard not to belittle yourself, your skills, your work. I have avoided that for the most part. I do feel like I have been extremely unlucky or unfortunate. Not that I believe in cosmic forces that bring you good fortune or curse you. Well, maybe I do, but if they exist, I don't believe that they are the ones that people try to influence through various mechanisms.

So what to do? I am not sure. I am aware of the danger of falling down the spiral of self-doubt, frustration, and resignation. I definitely need to keep myself out of that.

I am anxious of all that is coming up.

By the way that vicious dog in the picture is one of my mother's dogs - not the funny looking one, the other one. The mosaic tiles were done by step-father who is a big fan of Roman mosaics and frescos. The original is from Pompeii and now is in a museum in Naples.

More about California a bit later...

California

Here I am in San Diego. Getting here was rather uneventful, which in this day is a very fortunate thing. The biggest inconvenience was my sinuses and ears complaining about the cabin pressure in the airplane towards the end of the trip. Of course there were three guys about four rows ahead of me who were getting pretty wasted. I think they were one drink away from creating some real trouble. Stupid frat boys.

Actually the trip itself was very productive: I finished all my grading and read a bunch of things I needed to get through. I purposefully did not buy any magazines or newspapers so that I would not procrastinate, but then I found myself sitting in the plane with nothing to do.

It has been nice seeing my mom and catching up. I also got to meet her "new" (she got him last summer) dog. He is a silly looking thing: he has a huge head and huge paws, but in between he has these stumpy little legs. Despite his looks, he is a nice and very friendly dog. I think I posted a picture of him way back when...

Observations over the past two days:

• The roads are so much nicer and wider than in Massachusetts.
• Drivers are better and more courteous.
• People are in a better mood here than back east. I don't want to say that they are friendlier, because people in Boston are friendly, but in a different way.
• Even though there is a governor's race in Massachusetts this year, the governor's race and politics in general here are much more visible. Not that it is a good thing. I have seen more nasty ads on television the two days I have been here than I have all year in Boston.
• Holy cow, gas is really expensive here! But I guess it is cleaner.
• I have a hard time adjusting to the three hour time difference. I keep waking up at 5 am.
• Days are very long when you start them at 5 am.
• I learned how to play Mexican Train Dominos. Silly game.
• I wished I had packed the dogs and Sara into my suitcase.

Tomorrow evening I am meeting up with Oso to go to Nate's house for dinner. I met Oso last year and enjoyed our conversation, food, and beers (although he complained about the pedos afterward - and I am not sure whether he was talking about gas or our conversation or both).

Tonight I am off to dinner with my bestfriend from high school - the one whose step-daughter passed away last September from cancer. I am looking forward to seeing him.

Pictures to come later - probably when I get back to Boston.

Flying out West

Going to visit mom in California tomorrow.

I wish I could bring Sara and the dogs with me. Unfortunately, they always complain when I try to pack them in my suitcase. So to avoid any whining and complaining on their part, they will have to stay in Boston.

I have not been washed away - yet.

As you may have heard, we have had a little bit of rain here in New England. Given all the flooding and swollen rivers, you may have taken my recent silence as a sign that I was carried down the river somewhere.

Probably not.

I have had a bit of luck to match our weather:

• The cold got worse - throbbing sinuses anyone?
• I am way behind in my grading.
• Today I got a flat tire - in the rain.
• Sat in stopped traffic for a long time because of an accident (at least I wasn't part of the accident!)
  
• Many of the errands I had to do were put off.

The dogs are restless. They don't much care for the rain, though. After a brief walk through the showers, they both glare at me as though I was responsible for the foul weather.

Ok, maybe I should have just kept my silence going rather than bemoan everything here.

Virus

Is there a Good Virus? And other things....

Image of a rhinovirus (One of the common cold viruses)


A question to those out there advocating intelligent design: why would any intelligent being create a virus? As far as I can tell there are no good viruses (unlike bacteria and molds).

Are viruses a production design flaw? Hmmmm....

Can you tell I am cranky?

Something I recently found out that I feel I should have known:

• The name for avocado comes from the Nahuatl name ahuacatl meaning "testicle". It makes sense. Both are squishy and have a pit in the middle. But I am sure testicles aren't as good with salt in a tortilla!
  

By the way, I have tried peppers, airborne, vitamins, juices, teas, chicken soup, limes...nothing is shaking this damn cold.

I am off to entertain my delirium elsewhere...

Sick

So yeah, I am sick. I lost the battle...

Crap!

I was supposed to grade papers today, but I decided that my mind cannot focus and my mood is too cranky to give them the due attention and a fair grade. Could this be psycho-somatic procrastination? I have already mentioned that I don't like grading. But I don't think I dislike it to the point of having my mind make me sick (or lowering my immune system so as to letting me get sick). If it is psycho-somatic - I curse my psyche for making me feel like this.

Bleh.

Random though - there is a slight possibility, just a tiny one, that we may get our first woman President in the US. And no, I am not talking about Hillary. Say, for argument's sake, that Congress goes back to being Democratic in November and that the Democratic leadership in the house does not change. Then assume that Bush's shennanigans are investigated and it is revealed that he really did break laws. There might be a move to impeach, not only Bush, but his vice-buddy as well (as he is probably knee deep in it as well). Impeachment goes through, Senate convicts both. Now what? Who is next in line? Speaker of the House. Who would that be? Nancy Pelosi (current minority leader who would become Speaker when the House turned Democratic).

I don't particularly like Nancy Pelosi - she engages too much in politico-doublespeak for my tastes. But it would be cool to see that play out. I think it is time we get past the political glass ceiling that exists in this country. While I think it is still an uphill battle for it to happen at the polls, if it happened through procedure maybe people would realize that a woman President is just as bad as a male one. That would open doors for all other women.

It's not going to happen, but it was just something I was thinking about.

[Sneeze]

Bleh.

Oh, I have not mentioned that I am heading out to California next week. I'll be in San Diego from the 17th through the 23rd. Then it is back to teaching summer school on the 24th. It will be nice to see my mom - I haven't seen her in over a year. And even then it was a quick-passing-through visit.

Gotta love frequent-flyer miles. It will probably cost me more to get to the airport on public transportation here than it will to fly across the country.

I know, I know...I actually paid for that trip when I bought my other tickets. Nothing is really free. Not even our minds...

Whoa, where did that come from. Stupid cold-megavitamin overload-excess tea-ultra hydration-haze! It keeps me in a fog all day and has my mind spout out banal philosophical statements.

I am going to quit my rambling because probably no one is paying attention at this point - not even me.

[Sneeze] Good thing I bought more tissues today...

Uh-Oh

Uh-Oh

The signs are there. The foreboding symptoms of the impending stuggle.

The tiredness.
The scratchy throat.
The irritated sinuses.
The spacy-ness.

Yes, it looks like my body is trying to fight off a cold. And it seems to be losing the battle.

I have built my arsenal of vitamins, minerals, teas, juices, saline solutions, and tissues.

I must warn you, there may be much whining ahead.

New York in Spring

New York in Spring



Sara and I popped down to NYC to check out some potential neighborhoods for our future residence.

The city is simultaneously dynamic and overwhelming.

We also met probably the friendliest person in the world (someone who works where Sara will be working).

I am sure I will write more about the trip and my feelings about moving later.

Cinco de Mayo

Cinco de Mayo - Not Mexican Independence Day!

Contrary to popular belief, today is not a day to overindulge in Margaritas.

Or gorge oneself with nachos.


Any day of the year is good for that.

It is also not Mexican Independence Day (which is September 16).

And it is certainly not a celebration of Mayonaise!

The day actually commemorates a battle in the state of Puebla (just east of Mexico City), where the Mexicanos kicked some imperialist French butt.


It really isn't a big deal in Mexico except for the fact that it pairs up nicely with May 1 (Dia del Trabajo) which is also a holiday. So this year people in Mexico only had a three day work week!

Now that's a reason to celebrate!

Lesson for today is over. Go ahead, have your margaritas (I like mine shaken with ice or on the rocks - and with GOOD tequila please!) and nachos - I know you are going to do it anyway!

Letter to the Boston Globe:

In response to those who are outraged by the "blatant disregard for the law" by undocumented immigrants, I would like to pose a hypothetical situation. Imagine you had a sick family member and you had to drive them to the hospital in the middle of the night. You find yourself on an empty street. Do you drive the speed limit? You then come to a stop light which is red. Do you stop? If you do and then it does not change to green. Do you go through it anyway when you see there are no other cars?

How would you feel if once you got to the hospital your family member is refused treatment because of your "blatant disregard for the law" or because it would be unfair to those who obeyed the traffic laws?

Individuals violate laws everyday when their family's well-being is at stake. A little more compassion and understanding in the world would not be a bad thing.

It probably won't get published, but I just had to get that off my mind.

Slow Moving

I need to review two books by tomorrow.

I have read one and most of the second. I am in the process of writing the review for the first one, but I just can't get my momentum going. It is like trying to run in thick, swampy mud.

I hate when that happens.

Now that I think about it, I don't think I have really ever tried to run in thick and swampy mud. Well, maybe back in my soccer/rugby playing days, but I am sure it wasn't thick and swampy, rather slippery and messy. There are times I feel like my writing is like that, but not today.

Today it is molasses. Yes, thick and syrrupy and really, really sticky.

I don't know what I am saying. Ignore this...I need to get back to my review.

A day without immigants?

1 de mayo - Un día sin algunos inmigrantes?

The day of the big mobilization came and went. As I mentioned earlier I was somewhat disappointed with the events in Boston.

First, it did not seem like many immigrants answered the call to abstain from work and consumption. I can understand the work aspect, as that is a difficult choice and sometimes necessity and commitments trump solidarity.

I at least hoped that the rally at the Boston Common would change my disappointment. I was encouraged by the memories of the previous rally on April 5, when I took my immigration class. That rally and march was so well attended, diverse, dynamic, and upbeat (it also helped that is was a glorious sunny day).

Unfortunately, the rally on Monday was not as well attended. What bothered me more was the fact the speakers created a more adversarial and hostile atmosphere. I think it was because it was taken over by more "radical" groups (International Socialists, Anti-global youth, etc.) who were more interested in the "fight" than dialogue. The tone was matched by the gray skies and cold wind. The calls for social revolution and the complete dismantling of the borders is not only unrealistic, it will alienate those who are sympathetic to the struggles immigrants face everyday. Moreover, the "mainstream" press hones in on these positions, which plays into the image their "expert [unbiased] commentators" (Pat Buchanan et al.) want to promote.

I was encouraged that the marches out West were more successful and retained the tone of the original march: a celebration of immigrants and their social, cultural, and economic contributions to this country.



It will be interesting to see how this plays out. If I don't find any "real" work in NY, I might go into some political activism. I really think we need to move from the civic engagement we have seen over the past month to political action and participation. Unless these people marching vote, the outcome might be more detrimental to the cause. There is a backlash to the voice immigrants have found and if those people who are hostile to this activism are the only ones who vote, it will set the whole movement back.

In addition to engaging immigrants politically, there needs to be an active outreach people to dispell myths regarding immigration.

Widespread Myths about Immigration

• Immigrants are the poorest and least educated people from their country.
• Most immigrants are illegal.
• Most of these illegal immigrants sneak across the Mexican border.
• Border control is/can be effective.
• Illegal immigrants don't pay taxes.
  
• Illegal immigrants come to freeload of the welfare system.
• The arrival of immigrants leads to an increase in crime.

I can discuss the falicy of these in more detail if anyone is interested.

To end on a positive note, this was my favorite part of the day.



The "crazy" guy in support of immigrants. He was friendly and he had a nice dog!

I will have something to say about the May 1 events in Boston, immigrant activism, and the social representation of these events later.

But I do want to say that that the Boston rally at the Commons was somewhat disappointing.

I am encouraged that things went better elsewhere. There is a long tough road ahead if we expect this movement to yield any productive changes.

What dogs do when you are gone...

Some dogs bark when you are gone,
Others get into the trash.
A few might steal food off the counter,
and a few more probably get on the furniture.

There is even a rumor out there that some get together and play poker.

Mine uses my computer,
downloads pictures from the internet.
I come home; he looks guilty.
I look around wondering what he did.

Then I find this as the wallpaper on my desktop:



Sneaky dog...

What are you doing on Monday?

I am conflicted.

Ironically, Monday is the last day of my immigration seminar. For this meeting they are supposed to discuss the projects they have been working on over the semester. They also need to fill out evaluation forms regarding the course and my teaching. These evaluations are an important part of any application and I think they will be very positive for this course.

I have been thinking that I could attend the class as someone interested in their research and not as part of my job. That seems like a cop out, though.

I could cancel class, but that would mean that I would not get my evaluations and they would be missing a part of their grade.

Changing the meeting day would be difficult because exams start on Tuesday.

I sent them all an email requesting suggestions or ideas, but only one has replied without having any good suggestions.

It seems like this immigrant will be around on Monday. I will not buy anything and I will probably attend the rally again, but my commitment to teaching is greater than my immigrant solidarity.

Is Solitude Melancholy?

There he was, sitting at a table alone. Before him a large plate of pasta, a glass of what I could only assume was water and a Newsweek magazine. He seemed content, yet the sight brought out a sense of melancholy from within me.

I saw him as I stopped to pick up a pizza on my way home from work on Tuesday. The pizza chain is inside a mall, but it has “patio” seating that is out in the corridor of the mall. That is where he was, alone among the seven or eight tables in the “outdoor” section.

He was in his sixties, or perhaps a little older, and he possessed an amicable demeanor. His tan jacket and his red suspenders were those I would picture at the mention of a grandfather.

After I ordered the pizza, I went into the bookstore next door to kill some time. When I made my way back, I passed him again. The bowl was empty and he reached to pick up the leather case that contained the bill. In my mind, the picture of me stopping and offering to pick up his tab flirted with me. I carried on and picked up the pizza.

I know nothing about this man except that on a Tuesday evening he was eating a bowl of pasta on his own while reading a news magazine. Nor am I sure why it had such an impact on me. It may have been the memories of the many meals I had alone while traveling around Europe during my college days, wishing I had someone to share the experience with. Or perhaps those I had in Italy while I was searching for field site for my dissertation research dreaming of being with Sara. Perhaps it was a vision of a personal future where I will be old and alone.

For all I know, he was spending an evening on his own, away from his bickering family, enjoying the peace and tranquility of the empty “courtyard”. There are times I enjoy being alone. And I often do find myself eating on my own, but I know I have someone who shares my life and that I am not confined to solitude. It is also quite possible that he is a nasty, racist grump that has brought his solitude onto himself. I will never know.

What I do know is that there are more and more people living isolated from others, even when there are people all around them. This is not a good thing. Perhaps I should have stopped and said hello to him; perhaps a hello would have been better than picking up his tab. However, my guess is that even if he wanted company, he would have thought I was nuts had I made any contact with him.

Such is the world, unfortunately.

The Price of Gas



I just applied for a job in New York that required me to send in descriptions of three courses I could teach. Since the position is calls for a scholar that addresses urban issues, I came up with a course that would use the subway as a way to cover urban anthropology. Here is the description:

The New York Subway: A Case Study in Urban Anthropology
The subways in New York are the arteries that keep the city alive; people rely on them to live, work, and play. Consequently, not only does the subway system become a window into the cultural, social, and economic issues of the city, it also juxtaposes people of all walks of life. It is one of a few places where a successful banker can stand next to a crack-dealer for an extended period of time. Using the New York subway system as a case study, this course will present an anthropological perspective on life in cities. It will also provide students the necessary tools to think critically about the meaning of “urban life” and how this meaning is mapped out onto social space. Drawing on social histories, ethnographies, social theory, short stories, and films, we will question the social and cultural categories that exist within the urban environment. Specific issues will include, but will not be limited to, the spatial component of race and ethnicity; socioeconomic class and time; the marginalization and social invisibility of certain groups of people; and aesthetics and arts. Moreover, students will be required to undertake fieldwork on the subway during the semester to determine the relevance of the theoretical concepts of the course. As a result, students will reconcile the stereotypical images of the city and public transportation with the realities of million of urban lives that use the subways of New York. The course will conclude with comparison with other urban areas, both those with abundant public transportation and those that developed without it.

Given the recent spike in the prices of gas, there has been more discussion about the use of public transportation. Maybe that may create more interest in the course.

In any case, it is a class that I think would be a blast to teach. Yet another reason to hope I get that job.

Epiphany

I have figured out how to lose the few readers that use to pass through:

* Post weird and doctored pictures
* Try to teach civics
* Be preachy about it
* Wrap it all in a cloud of gloom

Yes, that seems to have worked very well.

 

The Constitution and You... (or having fun with Civics).

I covered the concept of citizenship in one of my classes last week. During the discussion, I was surprised to find out that many of them did not know the content of the amendments to the US Constitution.

These are good students at a fairly reputable university, yet they only had vague ideas of what rights and responsibilities are outlined in this document. I admit, so of the amendments are excellent cures for insomnia, but so many of our freedoms are guaranteed by this document (and how it is read and interpreted by the courts). I feel we, as citizens (and I use that term broadly to include all who live in this country), need to be aware of what the document says and how it can be interpreted (and misinterpreted).

So I will post some of the ones I feel are important over the next days. I will spread them out so you have the oportunity to:

READ THEM!

Then think about them, what rights and responsibilities are outlines, and how the language can be used/misused to deny you those rights.

So here we go, 1 and 2:

*First Amendment:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

*Second Amendment:
A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

People tend to know these two. The ambiguity of the language is what causes problems with these two. It is easy to read them in multiple ways. In any case, I am not here to tell you my reading of them. I just want you to think about what your interpretations are.

Enjoy.

Per Sara's Request

A more "realistic" version:



You can ask her what that means. 

Interim



My mind is too scattered and in too many places to write anything interesting, so I am just posting an interesting picture from Vancouver.

I guess it is salient.

I played with the picture and I came up with one that fits in better with my state of mind/reality. Maybe you will like it better or perhaps you will prefer the original.

We the People...



This is the new face of the United States.

If you don't like it, you can leave.

I took my immigration course to the immigration rally in Boston Common. First hand learning beats anything that can be taught in the classroom.

I hope that the enthusiasm and civic participation that is emerging can be carried through to the ballot box. 

Wanted

• Job in New York City
• An apartment that will accept dogs in said city
• Suggestions as to neighborhoods to live in, explore, and avoid there
• Friends to hang out with and show me the ropes
• Did I mention a job? Yes, I did
• Money with no strings attached (hey, it doesn't hurt to ask, does it?)

So the news is - Sara got an offer for a position in NYC. It is a great opportunity for her: it will move her career down a more lucrative path, she is very interested in the issues she will be studying, and she will be working with interesting and well-respected people. Yay for Sara!

As much as I would like to be a home-husband, NYC's cost of living does not allow it. Hence the need for a job. I am both excited and terrified about moving to NY. I am sure those feelings will be creeping into my writing here.

That's it for now - but, again, if you know of any opportunities in New York City for an unemployed anthropologists who really doesn't know how to do much, please do let me know.

Vancouver Zen



This is my new Canadian friend.

He was meditating in the Chinese gardens.

I like him - he is very laid back. I could learn a lot from him... 

Back.

Tired.

Wishing I had run off into the Canadian landscape...

I might have too if I did not have the dogs to come back to. Yes, they are great dogs.

Sad



I did not get the job I interviewed for so I am running away.

Maybe I will come back, maybe I will disappear into the Canadian landscape forever. 

Coming Home!



Sara comes home this evening!

I have been tracking her progress back through a nifty site. She left just before I got up this morning! That is a lot of time on an airplane.

In between checking where Sara was and trying to imagine her sleeping or looking out of the window, I managed to finish the stupid Vancouver paper. It's not great, but it will have to do.

Before I get too self-congratulatory, I need to realize that the paper was only one of the many, many things that needed to get done this week (and didn't). And I do need to go teach tomorrow, and oh yes, I did assign a lot of reading. I am not quite sure when I am going to get to that.

This week has both flown by (when I think of all I wanted to get done) and crawled (when I think about how much I have missed Sara). Ah the relativity of time.

My hands hurt from typing. I think I will go get something to eat. 

Writing



I am still struggling with the paper for the conference in Vancouver next week, although I did make some progress today. I am talking about fat little Mexican kids in the US.

Bleh.

It makes me feel fat.

Well, back to work. Hmmfff...

Update


Interview

The interview came and went.

You never know how these things go.

Sometimes you think it went well, but you don't get the job. Other times you think it went poorly and you end up getting the position. So I cannot really sit here and second guess myself. I will wait and see.

I can't really think about it too much either. I have been struggling to write a paper for a conference next week.

Oh yes, I am going to a conference in Vancouver next week and I have to write a paper I am presenting. I was supposed to have it to the discussant last Friday. This paper is particularly difficult because all the material is new to me - in fact, I really don't have much of my own material.

That's kind of a problem.

It is probably why I am struggling with the actual writing part. I did make a little progress today, but I was hoping to have it done and to the discussant by tonight.

It is not going to happen.

Maybe tomorrow night. If all goes well, that is. I am going to gym in the morning, so maybe if I get the blood flowing, some of it will make it to my brain and kick start the thinking and focusing process.

I got a haircut today. I know, it makes a lot of sense getting it the day AFTER the interview, huh? Well, the apointment was already made when they called me for the interview. And who needs the stress of getting a haircut before the interview anyway (what if they screw up?).

So I have been reduced to writing about a haircut and writer's block. Great.

I think I will go read something light and think about all of this in the morning.

Another day, another rejection.

This one was from a place that I had a mini-interview at the anthropology meetings. I had thought it had gone well. I guess it didn't - not even a second look. Oh well.

The interview is tomorrow.

Suit is pressed and ready. Syllabi are printed and in my bag. I am focused.

That said, I am disappointed that it is only a one-year position. It's not what I really want, but at this point I really cannot be all that demanding. For all I know, they won't offer me the position anyway.

But I am determined to make a good impression nonetheless. Hence the suit. Many academics look awkward in a suit. However, I wear it well, if I do say so myself. I guess something good came out of my time in Italy. And I am a good teacher and scholar, damn it! I need to convey that tomorrow without sounding as arrogant as I do here.

Time for bed. We'll see how it goes.

Happenings:

It is strange thinking that Sara is half way through her Monday already. She had to get up early tomorrow morning (Monday at 4 am - although I am sure she did not know what time it was) to go to the Tsukiji Market (Tokyo's fish market). She probably had a great sushi breakfast - nothing beats jet-lag better.

I am getting by. It is strange not being in touch with Sara - wondering what she is doing at any given moment.

I have a lot to get done this week. Sara is gone and I am on Spring Break, so I should have more time and space. I have had mixed results this weekend - working in spurts, but having some long periods of unproductivity.

I did get out with the dogs and explored a park I had heard about that is not too far away. Only after visiting did I find out that it used to be a landfill. It is a nice park with some good views of the Charles River, the surrounding wetlands, and the Boston area. Standing with the dogs on the top of the hill (perhaps with tons of trash under my feet) with the cold wind whipping through my body looking off into the slumbering landscape waiting to burst into spring was a little surreal.

In other news -

The phone rang!

After a week of emails and letters from places I applied and the ensuing self-doubt, the phone rang with the request for an interview.

It is at a school in Boston. It is not in my discipline and it is only a one year position. It is a confidence booster nonetheless.

The interview is Tuesday, so wish me luck!

Sara is Gone



She left this morning for Japan.

She will be away for ten days, but I already miss her. 

A picture is worth...

This is how I have been feeling lately.



Thanks, Zephyr, for putting it so eloquently! 

It has not been a good week so far.

Four rejections in two days it hard to stomach.

Harder still that they were from places I was more optimistic about:

• My undergraduate college. I thought I might get a second look, maybe a phone interview, but no. I knew the answer was going to be no since I had not heard from them. Ironically the same day I got the letter from them, I also got a request for an alumni donation. My sister said that I should send the rejection letter in lieu of the donation.
• A postdoctoral program that I seemed fairly well matched with. It is at a UC school and they tend to be very nepotistic with their postdoctoral programs. Still, not getting something I feel like I am very qualified for and match well with doesn't do much for my confidence.
• I applied to a non-academic position just to mix things up a bit. Again I felt like I had the right qualifications and research interests (it is a research institution), but they sent me a no.
• The other disheartening issue was that two of the four rejections came via email. At least when I got to the mailbox I prepare myself mentally, email catches you when you off guard and when you are trying to get something else done. It certainly ruined my evening last night.

I am discouraged and depressed. I wonder why I worked so hard to get to this point and why people fail to recognize that I would be a valuable addition to their institution.

Sara's hugs and affection are the only thing getting me through the disappointment.

While I generally dislike it when people put lyrics up, I do have the song Helicopter by Bloc Party running through my head, so here:

Helicopter

North to south
Empty
Running on
Bravado
As if to say, as if to say
He doesn't like chocolate
He's born a liar, he'll die a liar
Some things will never be different

Stop being so American
There's a time and there's a place
So James Dean
So blue jeans
He's gonna save the world
He's gonna...

Are you hoping for a miracle?

Three out of five, three out of five (it's not enough)
Six out of ten
Better luck next time
Just like his Dad, just like his Dad (the same mistakes)
Some things will never be different
Hungry and dumb, hungry and dumb (so wait in line)
Queuing up for some more junk food
It's not my fault, it's not my fault (just this once)
They're getting so much younger

Why can't you be more European
Bastard child of guilt and shame
Bury your head in the sand
I'm thinking six, six, six
I'm thinking six

Are you hoping for a miracle?
It's not enough.

I wonder what my psychiatrist will say about that.

Update:
I went to the dentist this week. It had been about two years since my last visit, although I wrote on my form that I usually try to go in once a year. I was chided that I should really go in every six months and that some people need to go in every three months.

Then they looked at my teeth. "Oh my! You have great teeth! Hardly any build up! Your teeth are in better shape than people who come in every three months!"

Meanwhile in the room around me I kept hearing other patients get their scolding: "You really need to cut back on the soda...", "Stopping smoking will REALLY help your teeth...", "Have you ever heard of floss...?" And so on.

Yes, I do take care of my teeth - not as well as I should, I admit. Flossing occurs three or four times per week (unlike Sara who is the most emphatic flosser I have ever known). My mother had periodontal disease and she had major surgery on her gums. More recently the disease led her to need reconstructive surgery and dental implants. So, yeah, I have a motivation to be proactive in my oral health care.

Growing up my mother also gave us flouride supplements because the water in Mexico was not flourinated. There are many debates about the efficacy of flouride, but in the cases of my sister and mine it does not seem to have hurt.

Last, through some genetic twist of fate, I seem to have strong, plaque/tartar repelant teeth. I am not sure where it came from because the rest of my family seems to have had bad and crooked teeth.

So I have teeth going for me.

The same could not be said for things at the other end of the alimentary canal. I won't go into the details, but I have always seemed to have problems "down there" and this week one of those problems flared up. Yes, it is unpleasant. I hate getting to know where the phrase "pain in the ass" came from.

And then there is my brain. It started acting up again this week. I am not sure if it was a hicup or a larger issue. There has been a lot of stress and disappointment in my life recently, not to mention that I just seem to be off. I have been clumsier than usual, even falling down a couple times for no apparent reason. I seem to be pulling out of the funk today, but I am certainly not out of the woods yet.

The convenient thing about the recent episode is that I was pre-depressed (for my own convenience) when I received the rejection letter for the week. It was from a job I really did not think I had a shot at, so it is unlikely that I would have been that disappointed under "normal" circumstances. However, it barely even registered in my frame of mind.

Which brings me to the job search - as we approach the ides of March, it is growing less and less likely that I will be permanently employed in the Fall. The other day, Sara turned to me and asked, "What do you think is going to happen?" While I try not to think about these things, her question promted the two scenarios that I trully think will happen to pop into my mind.

1. By some strange serendipitous way, one of us will find a job that we never even thought of or thought we could get.
2. The worst case scenario - no jobs, mounting debt, and the ensuing existential crisis.

Option two is so frightening to me, I refuse to entertain it for too long in my mind. It seems like a distinct posibility in my mind, though.

So, as you might have been led to conclude by this post, I am looking forward to Spring Break which is one week away. On the "bad" side (bad for me, I am excited for her), Sara leaves for Japan in a week, so she won't be around. The dogs and I will just have to figure out a way to unwind on our own.

Somewhere I read that this weekend marks the beginning of the Aztec New Year. I am not sure if this is true or not.

But hey, I am ready for a change...so why not?

Despite my general gloominess (bad news, no news, cold weather, etc.) - this little piece brought me some desperately needed laughs (I had not laughed that much in quite some time).

Maybe it isn't so funny, but at the time I read it, it was just what I needed.

Thanks, Atlantic Monthly! Truth be told, I generally don't expect to get a laugh when I read your magazine. Perhaps that is why it made me laugh so much.

In any case, given the lack of good news from here, I thought I would share my smiles with you.

The Daily Trials of a PhD in Search of Employment

The job search process for a PhD in anthropology is a test in patience, stress-management, and emotional control. The process is as follows:

From September through January you send out your applications - some send a few, I sent out a lot.

Then you wait.

And wait.

And wait.

The first couple of months are fine because generally nothing happens. At most you get a letter saying that they received your application and the usually include some form for human resources where you check off what social group (some call it race/ethnicity/heritage - I have much more to say about those boxes and categories, but that will come some other day) you belong to. You also tell them your gender (narrowly defined) and whether you are a Veteran.

Around mid-January trepedation begins to settle in and you begin to engage in a tense daily routine:

You check the mail. Somedays I am at home when the mail arrives. We have a thick iron mailbox with a flap that clangs very loudly when it is shut. So when I hear that clang, I meekly make my way to check it. What you don't want to see is a thin envelope from one of the institutions you applied to. The wording has subtle variations, but the message is always the same: Thank you for applying but we did not think you belong here.

Of course, I have a second mailbox to check - the one at work. Some of the thin letters make their way there. My mailbox at work is a small cubby along with many others. I can peek into the department office and see if there is something in it. Usually it is some notice about an event.

That is how the bad news arrives.

Good news usually comes to you via email or telephone.

So between 9 am and 8 pm (generally when offices are open across the country - closing at 5 on the west coast), I check with guarded hope that some good news will pop up in my inbox. The only news that has come to my inbox was a rejection email.

That upset me.

It is against the established informal rules! Plus the school, which will remain nameless (let me just say it is in a small town in CT and starts with a W), was too cheap to pay for a stamp to send me some bad news.

The last hope is coming home and finding the message light on the answering machine blinking. Usually it is not. Today it was, but it was just the dentist reminding me that I have an appointment next week.

And so it goes, day in and day out (Saturdays are only bad news days because the mail comes, but you know you won't get good news. Sundays are a day off when you gather yourself for the next week). Thin envelopes arriving at a rate of about two per week, no emails, and no calls. Hope fading with each passing day. You jump around from frustration to pessimism to apathy to anxiety to ...

Now you know. So be kind to the next under/unemployed (or soon to be) anthropology PhD you come across - chances are they have had a stressful and perhaps disappointing day.