Why?

Why?

Yesterday my mother called me to give me the news that my best friend from high school's step-daughter passed away. Here is the last entry from her CaringBridge page:

Friday, September 16, 2005.
Y was admitted this past sunday to hospice due to her respiratory distress and incoherence. Y has been fighting her cancer for almost 3 years and today at 2:05 am, she lost her battle to cancer. The staff at hospice made sure Y was well cared for and she was given the kindest of care while admitted. We are all very proud and will miss Y dearly. She was a real trooper and fought very hard to the very end. But alas, the progression of the disease was just too much for her in the end. Y went peacefully in her sleep. She did not suffer through her transition. She was well cared for and made comfortable. We could not have asked for anything more than that. Y is now at peace. We will miss her forever but she will still be in our hearts and in our prayers from now till eternity. We love you so much Y, you were truly one of a kind and your spirit will live on.

I remember Y running around my mom's yard playing with Zeus. She was a vivacious child always wearing a bright smile.

I know that death is part of life and it has been part of my experience of life (three grandparents, a cousin, and an uncle have passed on). However, I can't comprehend why a child suffered like this and had to pass on so soon. And I can't understand why my friend and his wife had to endure this. It just makes no sense.

So while I know we have all been hit up for donations for the victims of Katrina lately, I would still like to put in a request. If you happen to have an extra dime, please consider donating it to support research on cancer in children or to hospice care. You can do it in memory of Y.

May her spirit continue to live on in all of us.

Viva Mexico!

Viva Mexico!

Today is Mexican Independence Day. The party always start the night before with El Grito, a commemorative re-enactment of the event that began the fight for independence in 1810.

When I was young, we would stay up and watch it on tv. The next day there was a big military parade in the Zocalo - the main square of Mexico City - that was also on tv. The Mexican Air Force would fly its aeroplanes above the city. Most of these were clunky old prop planes that the US used in World War Two and then gave to Mexico. Nevertheless, when I heard their drone, I loved running outside and spotting them in the sky as they flew over our house.

I always wondered, though, why the Independence Day parade in Mexico was a military one, while the one's I had been in the US for 4th of July were parades with floats and fire engines.

In any case, I am happy my fellow country people rose up to kick those pesky Spanish out of our country 195 years ago.

In that spirit, I want to point out that Elena Mary is running for a seat on the Institute of Mexicans in the Exterior (a bad name that occurs when things are translated directly). She has been a longtime advocate of us Mexicans and Mexican-Americans abroad. She would appreciate your support in her campaign. Visit her site and show her your support (and while you are there ask her how you can help her campaign).

I hope this institute can give a voice to the many people who for a long time have not been able to be represented in the governmental bodies of either the home country or that one in which they live. I also hope it does not become just another bureaucratic swamp. With someone like EM as part of it, that would be highly unlikely.

Suerte EM!

Accupuncture

Today was round 3 of my accupuncture treatment.

It was, by far, the most intense treatment so far. For the first two treatments I was on my back and the needles were placed on my front side. This time I was on my stomach and the needles were places on my back, hands, feet, and head.

Some of the needles almost burned as they went in. The practicioner said that my body was responding to the needles a lot. And, yes, I did feel like something was going on.

Once all the needles are in, you sit and wait for 45 minutes or so. I fell asleep during this time, but it really wasn't sleep. It was more of a meditative state. I lost all track of my thoughts (something that is very difficult for me to do - my mind is usually always racing) and even of where I was. I would drift back into and then again out of consciousness. It was a pleasant experience, except for the needle in my left wrist started to itch and burn a little. Also, the remaining mucus in my sinuses started to pool and create pressure that led to a sinus headache.
When the needles came out, I was rather groggy. And when I left, I felt rather tired, but a bit euphoric. After an intense work out or perhaps a little like after sex. My back has become a little sore this evening, again a little like being sore after working out, only it is not the muscles nor the skin that is sore. It is hard to describe.

I am curious to see how I feel tomorrow and over the next few days.

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Update

It has been a while...

Yes, I have not been writing much lately. I have been lurking, however, so don't let your guard down.

After a nice weekend away I returned to the chaos of the first week of school, preparing for a busy semester (which includes two conferences and the beginning of yet another job search adventure), and eventually a cold to close out the summer.

Coping with all of this led to a depletion of energy that prevented me from writing anything down - at least here.

We are now into the second week of the semester and things are not settling down. If anything, the chaos is picking up. I seem to be dealing with it in a more capable fashion.

I don't know if this has anything to do with my increased coping abilities, but I had my second accupunture appointment at the end of last week. I did get over the cold in a much quicker pace than I usually do. I am still agnostic on the whole matter. The accupuncturist also taped two small magnets on two spots where I tend to carry tension. I was fairly skeptical as to whether this would do anything, but low and behold the tension is gone from those spots (or greatly reduced). Of course I have other spots that are now tight further down on my back. I don't know if the tension spots migrated there or whether they were there all along and I just did not notice them before.

I go back tomorrow for the third session. This time I get the needles in my back. I am going to ask for more magnets, though.

The course seems to be going well. The students seemed pretty excited about it after the first meeting - a few who had not registered were asking to be let in. Always a good sign. Today's class I felt did not go as well. I lectured a lot - there are a lot of theoretical issues that I needed to cover before we move on. I felt scattered and not focused. Hopefully that will improve.

I have been ignoring/avoiding the Gulf Coast situation and the Supreme Court issue. I find it all to aggravating and frustrating to deal with right now. I do have a Tulane student in my class who will be at this university for the semester (maybe the year). So in a small way I am doing my part. Other than that, there is little I can do to change the situation, so I should avoid letting it get to me.

In the good news department, the US made it to the World Cup (soccer) and so did Mexico. So there is something to be happy about.

One last thing - today is my mother's birthday. She does not read this, nor does she know that it exists, but I want to send her good wishes nonetheless. Today she turns 60.

Sara asked me if she would be freaked out since it seems to be one of those "big" years. My mother is a breast cancer survivor and a school shooting survivor. I think after scares like that those, little freaks you out. Certainly not a birthday.

I am off to call her to wish her a great day...

Busy Weekend

We're back from our little get away.

We had a nice time (I will write about it later), but now it is back to work time. Tomorrow is my first class. First days are always difficult - both as a student and as a teacher. Nonetheless, I need to be prepared...so I am off to prepare.

We're off to Maine for a wedding.

Back on Monday. Have a good weekend!

Thoughts on New Orleans

As I gape at the images from the Gulf Coast, especially the chaos and anarchy that is consuming New Orleans, I keep thinking that we need to send the National Guard and the military there to impose order.

Then I remember they are all busy doing that in Iraq.

The National Guard is supposed to be our resource for a rainy day when things don't go well in our country. The rainy day has come and gone, but we have squandered our resources and our safety net. Those responsible, however, will not be held accountable - unfortunately.

More thoughts later.

Meet Barney

Meet Barney

As per popular request, I am posting more dog pictures.

This is my mother's new dog. His unfortunate name was my fault. When I saw a picture of him I commented that he reminded me of Barney Rubble from the Flintstones: a little guy with a big head. His former name was Brownie, but my mom did not like it. Barney was close enough and she liked it, so it stuck. I guess it is better than Stumpy, which was a name floated around. I tried to sell her on Tlaloc later on, but failed.


Meet Barney



Barney II

Can you figure out what kind of mix he is? I still think he is Shepherd and Corgi, but who knows.

Update

My energy reserves are running low.

As you probably have guessed, detox is over. We celebrated by getting a pizza - I got a simple margherita (fresh mozarella, tomato, and basil).

I have enjoyed having bread again. And chocolate. And dairy.

Do I feel any different? No. I certainly don't feel "cleansed". It was good to do, nonetheless. I find it helpful to take some time to re-evaluate everything I am putting in my body and why.

The end of the summer is here and thus begins the period of running around for us academics. The bliss of denial is no longer with us (that is, the "oh, I still have all summer to get that done" attitude).

I was invited to give a paper at a conference in Washington DC at the end of September. It will be a good conference to go to. I will be able to network a little - a good thing since I am on the job market- and I will be able to meet with some publishers to see what kind of interest there is in my dissertation. Still, that means I have to put together a presentation for the conference - more work.

Tomorrow I head down to Providence to meet with my old graduate advisor. This man is the type of person that writes a book (a good one at that) a year. Although I know that he is an academic super-human, it still makes me feel inadequate when I meet with him. I feel like I should be more productive in my academic career and that this career is going to stall for lack of such productiveness. Nonetheless, he has been kind and helpful to me, and it is in my best interests to keep in touch with him.

On top of this - Zephyr seems to have injured herself. She yelps anytime she brings her head up when she is lying on her side. I had hoped she would get better with some time. After a couple of days of no improvement, I took her to the vet. As I suspected it is a pulled muscle in her neck. She got some steroids to help it heal quicker - good thing she is not racing anymore, she would have been accused of doping. Not good in these days when baseball is under scrutiny and Lance Armstrong is out defending his honor.

Hurricane

Poor New Orleans

Things don't look good for the Big Easy. I am glad we had a chance to visit before it becomes the Venice of America.

• After this I don't think they are going to sell Katrina and the Waves at any of the music stores down there. It will either bring back bad memories of destruction or the susto they got.
• Maybe people in Lousiana will start believing in Global Warming and elect people that might do something about it (it doesn't seem to have happened in Florida and Alabama).
• Now I bet the people down there wished they had not destroyed as much of the wetlands as they have (wetlands function as a protective barrier against storm surges).
• Perhaps some of the Cajuns will move back up to Maine and the Canadian Maritimes (where they once came from and were formally known as Acadians). I sure would like that - I like their culture and their food. It would be nice to have it closer by.

I do hope for the best, which at this time just means that the storm center will track to the east of the city. This would mean that the winds would come off the land, pushing the storm surge away from the coast.

Why I am happy I don't live in Mexico City anymore (part 1)...

Why I am happy I don't live in Mexico City anymore (part 1)...


Mexico City Air

Picture from here. I will post and comment on more of these photos later.

Detox - Day 5

Detox - Day 5

Weight: 233
BF: 28%

I am looking forward to the end of this. Feeling better today, but no better than I did before I started this thing.

I really miss having choices.

Today I went in to the department where I am going to work. A friend of Sara's got hired there for a full-time tenure track position. I ran into her while I was there and had a nice chat. We decided to go to the student center cafeteria for lunch. My choices were severely limited. At first I thought I could get a veggie wrap, but, wait, I can't have wheat. Soups were all meat based. Things were looking grim, but fortunately there was a salad bar with a few options. They also had bottled carrot juice and they had apples. So I was able to put a meal together.

I had heard that there is a store I like, Wild Oats, near where I will be teaching. I went by to see exactly where it is and check it out. It is close and it will be convenient to pick up things on my way home from work (if I drive). I bought a few things while I was there, but it was hard not buying a lot of things I am not supposed to eat.

Tomorrow will be the last day of this. I know it supposed to be seven days, but I think I have had enough. I will continue to eat in moderate amounts and I will slowly reintroduce foods. I think I will continue to take some of the supplements (since we have them, we might as well use them).

...................

Accupuncture update.

Yesterday evening one of the places where I had a needle got swollen and hurt for a couple of hours. It was quite strange. I did feel slightly euphoric as I went to bed and I did sleep well. I haven't noticed any major changes today. Again, it is hard to tell what corresponds to what since I am subjecting my body to numerous things right now.

I am more intregued and curious to see how the process progresses.

I'm hungry. Off to find some fruit.

I fought the Law and...

...I won! I heard back today from the Town of Brookline that my parking ticket has been dismissed. I really thought that I would have to pay it, especially as I was opening the envelope. It was a nice suprise.

Case closed!!!

Detox - Day 4

Weight: 232
BF: 27%

No real news. I feel about the same as I did yesterday. I am still hungry fairly frequently and fruit and veggies just don't seem to satiate me.

Last night, in a half-kidding mode, I told Sara I was really looking forward to retoxing.

This should be a step in the direction of a healthy life, but I still believe that moderation is key. I also believe in choosing quality over quantity. I do need to become more active. I am looking to enroll in a yoga class and I am searching for a tai chi class as well. I am walking more because the dogs force me to. However, when autumn and winter roll around I don't think any of us will be too eager to head outside. I will have to keep on doing it, though, even if the dogs choose to stay home.

Along that vein, I had my first accupuncture appointment today - actually a few hours ago. I won't go into the symptoms I am having treated today. I went in with an open mind, not sure what to expect. While I tend to side with certain aspects of medical science, I also believe that doctors in this country are part of a very miopic culture that is more and more being dominated by commercial interests (read pharmaceuticals and insurance providers). I don't blame the doctors themselves for I have know some medical doctors and I know they work very hard and do have the patients interests at heart. However, I also believe that they are limited as to by what they can do and how they must practice by the larger system.

Now as to alternative medicine, I believe there are multiple ways of healing (and what we should actually be aiming at - staying healthy) and I am in favor of exploring these avenues as a holistic approach to medicine. That said, I also think there are many scam artists and self-deceived individuals who are out to push alternatives for their own benefit. So I proceed with caution and skepticism.

One way to put it is that I believe in the shaman, but only if the shaman is invested in my well-being. This includes the shaman being willing to say, "I don't know." You could also substitute doctor for shaman.

Ok, enough of a disclaimer. Accupuncture: how was it?

Interesting. The pressure points are sensitive areas and my body was stimulated when the practicioner inserted the needles. It did something. Of course it is much to early to know whether the something will have the intended consquence of addressing the issues I went in for, but I am inclined to be optimistic about it.

Most needles did not hurt going in. It felt like when you have an annoying tag on your clothes poking you. A few did hurt and some I did not feel at all. Once they were in, I hardly noticed them. Occasionally one would hurt a little or itch, but it would go away. I did notice a sensation of energy spreading from the point - kind of like an electrical impulse. It was strange, rather pleasant I would say. I did not feel the needles coming out, except for the one on my forhead. That one did hurt, but the pain was fleeting.

My next appointment is not for two weeks - so it will be a long wait for part two, but I am already looking forward to it.

Back to detox - we are going to cheat a little more for dinner tonight. I forgot to defrost the fish for dinner, so I thought, "Hmmm, maybe we could go out for sushi."

The menu for tonight was to be fish, brown rice, and veggies. Sushi is close. Ok, white rice that is sweetened is not the same as brown rice, but we can have fish and seaweed (we can also order seaweed salad). So two out of three isn't bad, right? I ran the idea by Sara and she agreed.

I am getting very tired of the same diet over and over again. I miss bread, I miss pasta, I miss cheese, I miss yogurt, I miss chocolate, I miss cereal, I miss variety.

Variety and moderation (except for chiles, of course) - that is my new mantra.

Detox - Day 3

Weight: 233
BF: 27

I am back among the living. Although I must admit we cheated a bit. I would not say we fell off the wagon, but we dangled off the side a bit.

Last night I could not stand my headache anymore so I took some asprin. It helped, a little - enough to get me to sleep. Sara had a more difficult time: read her account if you are interested. This morning we decided that we would bend the rules some more. Here is how:

• We can have a little coffee in the morning (I had half a cup, Sara one).
• Hot peppers are now allowed.
• So are nuts.
• Sara is dropping the weird supplements.
• We might re-introduce other foods as the week progresses - although we are going to stay away from sugar, wheat, corn, dairy, and meat (I know fish is a meat, but you know what I mean).

I think these are sensible amendments. We are detoxing, not torturing ourselves.

As to how I feel, the fog has lifted. My stamina is still a little low. I have gone from craving sugar to craving fresh baked bread. Ice cream and chocolate are also sorely missed (but that is to be expected in any normal human). Yes, I do realize that those are sugar bearing foods, but I think I would have them even without the sugar.

The thing that has surprised me the most so far is that I had expected to spend much more time in the bathroom. That hasn't been the case. Actually my visits have been more numerous, but that is to take care the other business - a result from the increased intake of liquids.

Tomorrow we are both aiming to take on a work routine. I need to go into the department and Sara is going into her office. Hopefully all will go well.

In other news (I know the world doesn't stop just because I am detoxing):

• I have my first ever accupuncture appointment tomorrow - the whys and hows are for a story to be told at a different time.
• My best friend from college is having his first baby (yes, it is his wife that is having the baby, but again, you know what I mean).
• My mother got another dog (her second). I will post a picture of it here soon. It is an odd looking dog. It has a huge head on a medium-sized body and he has stumpy legs. My guess it that it is a mix between a German Shepherd and a Corgi. I will let that image ruminate through your head before I post the picture.
  

One again thank you all for your comments, suggestions, and words of encouragement.

Detox - Day 2 (Part 2)

I am in pain. So is Sara.

We are dealing with some really bad headaches. Mine seems to shoot up my neck and up and around over the top of my skull. Sara's is a throbbing one which gets worse if she moves around.

Although the rules don't allow it, I am seriously tempted to take some asprin.

The meals were better today. I made some lentil stew with veggies and tumeric and cinnamon seasoning for lunch. Dinner was some Tilapia with tumeric, lemon, and basil, arrugula salad with radishes, strawberries, and blueberries and a lemon-basil dressing.

I had to make a run to Trader Joe's to get some more fruit. That was a test of my will power. As I went in, a woman was walking out with a very nice looking bagette. In the store the fruits are right next to the cheese display. I was good: no snacking, tasting, sampling, or stealing.

Mentally I seem to be more alert, but that just makes me more aware of this stupid headache.

As part of the program we are doing stretches and hydrotherapy. Our tub doesn't really work (not that I would fit in it anyway), so we just have to make do with the shower.

This whole process would be easier if we could actually do it at Canyon Ranch where it is part of a program. There others worry about your food, there are scheduled yoga classes, and you are not exposed to all sorts of tempting images, smells, and foods. Of course, we cannot afford that..

Thank you everyone for the support and ideas. At this point I need all the help/best wishes I can get. Off to drink some water...

Detox - Day 2

Weight: 232.6 pounds
BF: 25 %

I don't feel so good. I have a headache and my body aches, especially the back of my legs. I still feel like I am in a fog. I wonder how much of this is psychosomatic. I have gone days before without coffee and not felt this way. I have also eaten a "healthy diet" for a stretch of time without falling into this state.

I do notice the tension that was in my back, neck, and shoulders more now. Thinking that a massage might help ease this, I looked up massage in the local neighborhood phone book. It had two listings: one was for so-and-so physical therapy and the other was for "Sensual Alluring Ladies". Sara objected to my checking them out. She right, I am in no shape to get arrested right now.

As to the details of the detox program we are doing. It is one designed by Mark Hyman, M.D. who is the medical director at Canyon Ranch Spa in the Berkshires. A while back we read a book he co-authored called Ultraprevention, which we liked and thought made sense.

Need to run...more later.

Detox - Day 1 (Part II)

I am STARVING! Ok, not starving, but really hungry. We had salmon, brown rice, green beans, and carrot juice for dinner. So it was more like a regular meal, but somehow still not satisfying.

Hardest part of this:
1. No sugar. Yes, I have a sweet tooth and I am feeling it now.
1. b) Right behind no sugar - no peppers/spiciness. Dinner would have been improved ten fold if I could have put some hot peppers, chile sauce, or salsa on my food.

We managed to get out of the house. Sara wanted to go to a fabric store and I had no better suggestion, so that's where we went. While Sara looked at yarn and beads, I spaced out sitting at a table with pattern catalogues, occasionally being startled back into consciousness by some screaming child or some loud woman. After this draining excursion, I came home and took a long nap. Naps are good. Everyone should still have nap time.

The dogs got walked right before dinner. I honestly don't remember much of it other than we saw a cat with what appeared to be a field mouse or wood rat in its mouth. Of course Mr. Cat Hunter became the hunted as both dogs made an attempt to make it the victim. Mr. Cat Hunter can thank the leashes for its longevity.

I hope tomorrow is easier than today. I will try being a little more creative with the menu, but the options are quite limited. This detox really better work...

Detox

Day One
Weight: 236 pounds
Body Fat 25 percent (according to our crappy scale, which I don't trust one bit).

Breakfast: Lemon juice in hot water, fruit shake with rice protein powder and flax.

Snack: Fruit shake, mint blend tea

Lunch: Brown rice, brocolli rabe with tumeric and garlic, vegetable broth, carrot juice, and a mango.

Thoughts: It is strange going from eating for pleasure to eating for fuel/nutrients. I mean generally my diet involves a combination of the two. I find it sad when the highlight food of your day has been brown rice - I did think that before I had the mango, which was pretty good.

In fact, after lunch, my exact thoughts were: "that was unpleasant."

I do feel a little "spacy" and fatigued but not as bad as I thought I would. So far I have not experienced the "coffee withdrawal headache".

The only other thought I have had is that I have noticed how unsweet everything tastes. I already knew that I have an adiction to sugar and sweets. I am just realizing how sweet foods dominate most of my diet.

I don't know for how long we will keep this up, but we have planned for a week. We'll see how it goes.

Concerts

Friday night we went to a concert. We saw Gogol Bordello, which is a difficult band to describe - they refer to themselves as Gypsy Punk. Opening for them were Reverend Glasseye and Throw Rag. I liked the first band a lot. They were quite original and the bass player was excellent. The second band was not my cup of tea - too punk without the angst.

I like Gogol Bordello a lot, but I did not enjoy the concert. I guess it is because I am a stiff square. First, it was generally too loud. Second, the bass overpowered all the other instruments - which are worth hearing. But the most annoying thing is the people. I don't enjoy having to shove drunk people off of me or have them spill their drinks on me. In a certain sense, it is interesting to watch if you can distance yourself enough. There was one guy who was barely standing flopping around like a fish. It seemed like he was alone. What drives someone to that state and that behavior. There was another woman, who also seemed to be alone, who seemed to be having orgasms to the music.

We have tickets to another concert: Bloc Party. We will probably also go to Bauhaus in November. I was thinking of going to see Rusted Root in October - I would have to go on my own because Sara doesn't like them all that much. However, after the experience on Friday I am having second thoughts. I am not sure why I can't enjoy concerts like other people. Everyone else seemed to be having fun. Oh well...